I love shotacon comics, I love crossdressing comics, I love femdom comics, and I love insane, sex-crazy, short-haired girls with glasses, so this one pushed just about all of my buttons. I'm a little sad that it didn't end with Yukihito suffering all the way through, but the turnabout was a nice enough ending. I also liked the flowery language in the narrative panels - gave me a bit of a chance to flex my translating muscles. I'm really pleased with how a lot of the more complex sentences turned out, how well I was able to keep the original language while also converting it into English-sounding sentences, and how the substitutions for where the original language wasn't working came along.
I don't think I learned anything new grammatically, but I believe I was able to better hold in my head the rules that have been tripping me up over the past few projects. Overall, this was a fun project, and I wouldn't mind doing something in this vein again.
Not exactly my cup of tea, but I did like the latter half and this artist is pretty decent (Mega milk anyone?). I could definitely get behind a side story about that glasses girl though :3
Notes, if you're interested:
Throughout: Our girls' filthy mouths - Ai apparently believes that schoolgirls can't cuss. I would point to some of the ladies in our life (as well as my entire high school experience) as counterexamples, but the idea's somehow stuck with him. In any case, Yukihito's sister actually uses some pretty 'rude-sounding' particles (especially the 'zo' on page 12), so I think her exasperated 'fucks' fit her well, and I like how the other girls sounded when they got aggressive, so I tried to keep all I could in, away from Ai's puritan grasp.
Pg. 001: '...finger on the pulse of the audience!' - the actual term was 人気集中 (ninki shuuchuu), or 'concentrating on popular sentiment'.
Pg. 004: Hirai - I couldn't tell if Hirai (the tall, domineering girl with the long, black hair) had an accent or if she was just pulling off a 'slangy bitch' tone, so I left that alone.
Pg. 004: Tamaki - Mentioned this already, but Tamaki (the middle-height girl with the short hair, the glasses, and the insane look on her face) is pretty much my favorite kind of female H character - domineering, sadistic, prone to objectifying, full of herself, sex-seeking, and unwilling or unable to see how her obsession is affecting her target. The only other one I can think of at the moment who had similar characteristics is Momoe from Dulce Report and some depictions of Evangelion's Mari. Anybody have any other recommendations for characters like this?
Pg. 012: 'You're not going to get out of this without punishment...' - Really liked how I was able to get this to reflect correctly later on in the story. The original was ヤラレっぱなしになってんじゃねーぞ雪人 (YARAREppa nashi ni natten ja nee zo, Yukihito!) 'The act of being not-punished will not be, Yukihito!'
Pg. 013: 'Luster' - Also like this one. 色 (iro), 'color' often contains a connotation of sexual desire, so the pun on 'lust' worked. Original line is みんながいなくなって三人の目の色が変わったー 'once the others had left, the three's eyes' color changed...'